How to get a Bailout

Courtesy of my brother, click to view. Also viewable here-

The 2008 Presidential Debate Drinking Game

Yes, this is my column this time around. I only needed to have a debate with the editor twice over this, the first time because it turns out some may not think this is appropriate material for a university newspaper, and again when McCain decided a few hours before our layout to perhaps not show up to Friday's debate. The editor appears to have extracted revenge, however, because the online version of the article is significantly shorter than the one I wrote. I'm not going to lie- I am really pissed at my editor right now because a. she cut out half the material and didn't tell me, b. it's not like we don't have the space, evidenced by c. they've run several longer columns than the space this one would have taken in full. Grrr...

Anyway, because this is my blog and I can do what I want here is the entirety of what was supposed to run in The Observer this week. As a disclaimer to anyone who's worried that people actually think I'm serious with my columns (not mentioning names, but you know who you are), I think it's safe to say that by this point I have a reputation. Trust me.

Enjoy!

The 2008 Presidential Debate Drinking Game

by Yvette Cendes

Any time a candidate says…

- Change- 1 drink

- Expounds on the need for change without any specifics about how said change will work or be implemented- switch from beer to hard liquor, we are going to need it

- “Ready to lead”- 1 drink

- Gun control- 1 shot

- A word that doesn’t exist- 1 drink

- God, or any euphemism for God- 1 four horsemen

- Afghani… you know, it’s been so long that this been mentioned that I’ve forgotten how to spell it- 2 drinks

- Someone speaks Spanish in an effort to court the Hispanic vote- 1 tequila shot

- Terrorist- 1 car bomb

- Ethanol- do I really need to spell it out for you?

Whenever McCain…

- Addresses the audience as “my friends”- 1 drink

- A member of the audience jumps up shouting “shut up McCain! You’re not my friend! It’s not like you call me asking if we can hang out on the weekend or would lend me twenty bucks!”- 2 drinks

- Recommends increasing troop protections by issuing +1 armor- 3 drinks

- Makes a joke about being old and/or references his mother- 1 gin and tonic

- Tries to market himself as a unique maverick in vain hope that people won’t remember he’s from the same party as George W. Bush- 1 drink

- Mentions he was a POW- 1 drink

- The moderator says “wait, you were a POW? I didn’t know that!”- 2 drinks

- Is questioned on how exactly being a POW prepares him to be president- 3 drinks

Whenever Obama…

- Says “folks”- 1 drink

- Mentions Indonesia, Hawaii, or Kenya- 1 drink

- Is referred to as “Osama” by McCain or the moderator- 2 drinks and a kick in the shins

- Tells an anecdote about a middle-class woman who can’t get by- 1 drink

- Says something so socialist that he could be quoting a communist leader- 1 vodka shot

- He is quoting a communist leader- 2 shots

- A communist leader makes a guest appearance- 3 shots

Vice-Presidential Bonus Round! Guys ‘n Gals Edition

- Biden mentions Scranton (and it’s not a reference to The Office)- 1 drink

- “That” SNL skit is mentioned in an attempt to connect with pop culture- 1 drink

- Palin mentions Alaska- 1 drink

- Biden and Palin get into a “small state smackdown” arguing over the merits of Delaware compared to Alaska- 2 drinks

- Palin mentions her extensive executive experience, moose hunting, why abstinence-only education is best, how close she is to Russia, etc- disqualified due to worries of alcohol poisoning

Things we won’t see, but would like to…

- Someone walking onto the stage stroking a white cat- vodka martini, shaken not stirred

- A candidate responding with “you know, I was mistaken on that point. I’m sorry about that.”- time to stop drinking

- A debate resembling a rational, honest discussion of ideas instead of a never-ending slew of catchphrases and attacks that bring us nowhere closer to addressing the serious issues facing our country- put down the drink and start making a fire, hell has frozen over!

Cendes is a fifth year physics major, meaning she is old enough to remember the 2004 Vice-Presidential Debate held at Case. She still has the pictures from sneaking into the debate room with her roommate the day prior, where they pretended to be Cheney and Edwards until Secret Service threats forced them out.

Baby Black Holes

Shamelessly copied from my friend and suitemate Megan's blog where she was (of course) expounding about the LHC-

This historic event reminds me of the two concepts that first really got me interested in physics - gravitons and black holes. Seriously, how awesome would it be to have a pet baby black hole? Never need another trash can, if you’re ever attacked nothing to worry about just sic Wilbur the Baby Black Hole on the guy...

I, for one, have absolutely no idea how I went through life never thinking of this. Only problem I can see is you couldn't pet it, unless you were ok with never using your hand again.

The LHC Poetry Slam

Sorry everyone, been busy with the start of the semester... lots of random things popping up, such as the LHC party I was invited to last night (aka Large Hadron Collider, aka the big particle smasher that was tested today in Europe). Also known as "Geekfest 2008," I was invited by a bunch of physics grad students to stay up until 4am to celebrate the turning-on of the largest experiment ever conducted by humankind. As the next generation particle accelerator won't be seen for several decades, of course I had to accept.

Anyway, somewhere during the course of the night the LHC Rap was shown to those who had not seen it for some reason yet, and I expressed my sentiment that I really don't like it. A guy challenged me on my reasons, and beyond explaining the cheesy nature I broke down and said "not trying to sound pretentious, but I think I could write something better." Clearly I wasn't going to be allowed to get away with such a statement and was handed a pencil and paper and told to get to work.

So what follows was my result after a half hour or so of work- what does everyone think? Considering it was 2am and I was nursing a beer while writing, I hope I will be forgiven for the lack of proper pantameter-

The LHC Ode
by Yvette Cendes

It was mid-September and the leaves were flying
The grass turning brown and the wind a-crying
The physicists were gathering late at night
To witness what could only be an incredible sight-
It was the LHC! In the entire world
It would throw particles faster than they'd ever been hurled
The truth behind theories earlier fabled
Would finally be pinned down and properly nailed,
It would find the Higgs, and possibly see
An answer to baryonic asymmetry!
Oh how marvelous! Oh how grand!
All the things we would finally understand!

So the physicists chatted while they lay in wait
Not knowing they'd taken the universe's bait,
For when the switch went "on," that exciting goal,
They accidentally created... a black hole.
Yes, that's right, the nuts had held the truth
(Even if they'd seemed silly and rather uncouth)
And the black hole was there, it grew and grew
As black holes accreting mass are known to do,
It ate all in its path, and before the dawn
The planet called Earth was forever gone.

Now people will say it's an unlikely case-
On par with creating an elephant in space-
But if there are infinite universes, as some like to say,
Eventually it would happen and we'd all die away
So it's unlikely, it's true, but just for some fun,
Ask yourself this- what if THIS is the one?

The Future Cometh

I just learned a few minutes ago that the USA will either have a woman vice-president or a black president come November. Now I don't like talking politics on the Internet much, but policies aside this makes me proud of our country.

It also reminds me of a joke John Stewart gave at the Oscars this year. Something along the lines of how Hollywood was worried about there potentially being either a woman or a black man in the White House- "How will we know it's the future?!?"

Physics Explained

I'm at the Array right now, waiting for the last of the data to finish up so we can drive back tonight. Until then, I just wanted to share an entertaining list explaining physical theories as women. You know, like how Newtonian mechanics is like a high school girlfriend as she's your first encounter with physics and hence amazing...

For whatever reason, it reminds me of the time I went through and decided to write accurate descriptions of the physics undergraduate course catalog. Don't think I ever shared it here, so I'm hoping everyone will enjoy it as getting a post ready gives me something to do while waiting for the all-clear to head out.

Undergraduate Course Listing- Physics

Physics 101- Introductory Physics I

Required by all majors where people are required to think, such as engineering, math, astronomy, and of course physics. You will spend a lot of time learning elementary kinematics, a version of physics that has been disproved from being completely true but is nonetheless confusing enough on its own.
Prerequisites: Grade 12 mathematics

Physics 110- Physics for Pre-Meds
This is the course taken by all the people who are required to take a physics class for their major (biology, chemistry, etc.) but have nightmares over words like 'calculus' or 'integral.' This course also fills the 'charitable benefit to humankind' requirement for the department, as its curve ensures that no one completely stupid will ever get into medical school.
Prerequisites: Grade 8 mathematics

Physics 120- Physics for Poets
(cross-registered with 'Rocks for Jocks' and 'Computers for the Clueless')
This is a blatant attempt on behalf of the department to increase the number of enrolled students in physics. If all the other departments get to do it, why not us?
The professor currently listed is either someone looking for paid early retirement or someone not to be trusted with the actual physics majors. Topics include discerning between 'up' and 'down,' listing the colors in a rainbow in proper order, and a bunch of historical anecdotes that have nothing do with actual physics.
Corequisites: Firing neurons, a pulse

Physics 150: Introductory Physics II
This course is designed as the place where your dreams go to die: that's right, the weed-out course for everyone who survived the first semester of Introductory Physics! We will be covering the topic of electromagnetism, which requires intimate knowledge of the vector calculus you're not learning until next semester.
Prerequisites: Physics 101

Physics 200: Modern Physics
We will introduce and explore the revolutionary ideas and experiments during the last hundred years without explaining any of the maths which would allow you to do something with this knowledge. This is kind of nice for the professor who has a smoke-screen to hide behind whenever he's not entirely certain of what's going on but doesn't want to admit to it.
Prerequisites: Acceptance that everything you learned in Physics 101 is not really true

Physics 300: Mechanics
On the first day of class, the professor will ask anyone expecting to learn about car maintenance to leave, which will thin the crowd down to approximately ten people. Those ten students will then proceed to learn enough about missile trajectory to take over the universe.
Prerequisites: Physics 101

Physics 310: Thermodynamics and Sadistical Mechanics
Have you ever looked at the nothingness in the room and found yourself thinking 'gee, I wonder what quantum and statistical mechanics have to say about the movements of 1,000,000,000,000 gas molecules in a confined space? And have a really crappy textbook which references future material during explanations of key issues?' Well look no further, because this is the course for you!
Prerequisites: Physics 101, Math 666

Physics 320: Quantum Mechanics
This is the class where we finally teach you everything we couldn't teach you properly in Physics 200 because you had no knowledge of linear algebra or partial differential equations. You still don't, but we think anyone who's made it this far should be able to absorb all that during the first week of the semester.
Prerequisites: Physics 200, any math class you can get

Physics 350: Senior Thesis
Despite your paid laboratory assistantship during summer months and the previous school year(s), we are going to start making you pay us for the privilege of doing so by making this a required class. In this way, we hope to sufficiently strap you for cash so as to simulate the graduate student lifestyle for those of you still idealistic enough to consider further education in physics.
Prerequisites: three years of undergraduate laboratory experience
Course fee: your soul

Invading New Zealand

A lot of people lately have been asking me lately why this blog is called "The Chocolate Fish." Answer: they are a type of candy in New Zealand (chocolate covered in marshmallow, in fish shape), where I studied abroad from February-June 2007, and for which I originally started this blog. Proof that they exist-
But anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about today. No, what I wanted to talk about is how I heard today of a new campaign in Australia to forcibly annex the nation of New Zealand. It has gotten to the point where they are running TV ads to build support for the New Zealand invasion, such as this example-



Well, I'm sold! In case you're not yet, here's another ad from the initiative, and the full clip from the show that originated the idea. Cheers!

I Found the Higgs!

Ok, it was actually my friend Alison who directed me towards The Particle Zoo, but I've decided to be nice and share it with you guys too-

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or buy a cuddly dark matter particle for my friends who search for them.

One point I'm confused on though- how do they know what these particles look like anyway? Unlike plush microbes it's not like you have a clue, though props to the entrepreneurs for details like taking mass into account and giving the antiparticles faces on the opposite sides.

My Modest Proposal

Today is the last publication of the year for The Observer, meaning I am out of a writing job for about four months. I am sure this will be a very sad thing once I'm done with my finals and have time to reflect on it, but that's a week and some days off just yet.

So as my last hurrah of the year, I wrote a piece titled "A Modest Proposal for a New Alma Mater." The modest proposal bit is, of course, a tip of the hat to Jonathan Swift and an indication that it shouldn't be taken too seriously, but it turns out the adviser to The Observer is uncultured and didn't get that. There was some arguing over a certian stanza- I'm sure you can guess which one- but once I reminded my editor it's the last issue so she doesn't have to worry about printing letters anymore we ran it as is. Hooray! Column in full-

One thing I never quite understood about commencement at any institution is the singing of the alma mater. The alma mater is, of course, the official school anthem which you might have heard once four years ago during orientation, except you don't remember it because you were too busy checking out new classmates to see if any were cute. In hindsight, you feel kind of silly that you fell for that blockhead idiot whereas it might have been avoided had you paid attention to the alma mater in the first place, so during convocation you will try your best to sing along from the sheet to cover up this prior transgression.

Let's all admit it together: it's a farce. No student knows the words or the tune to this song, and there's no reason for our relatives to magically know them either. (In fact, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't know the CWRU alma mater is Shine On, Case Western Reserve, written by a student who graduated in the early 1990s, unless I told you.) So why do the organizers of convocation feel obliged to put it in the program each year? You're not going to suddenly start feeling nostalgic for your time at university thanks to a song you never heard while attending. It strikes me very much as one of those traditions in convocation we have because it feels like we should have because all the other universities do, even if our alma mater was written fairly recently and no one knows the words or tune.

Personally, if this were up to me we would sing a song – I'm the sort always looking for a socially acceptable excuse to sing in public – but the song would be revamped. Something to properly evoke nostalgia for my college years, which would go something like this:

Dear Case Western Reserve, that great fountain of knowledge,
Where we hung out and did our four years of college,
Our time would be incomplete unless we do acknowledge
The things that shaped us to who we are today.

There were those humid stifling nights and horrid winter squalls,
The doors that locked behind you in the residence halls,
And there were those obligatory late night homework calls
To see if anyone knew how to do number three…

There were the sporting events that we never attended,
The pranks which, in hindsight, should have got us suspended,
And those labs which dragged on and never ended
But were pretty damn sweet nonetheless.

And of course the friendships forged which were truly incredible
While pondering if Leutner's food was actually edible,
How the "Macarena" in the jukebox was truly regrettable,
And cool, they have brownies today!

And there was the guy over 21 who bought us our liquor,
And those shots we took down quick, and then quicker,
To that subsequent morning where we couldn't feel sicker,
(Because hey, this was college after all…)

Soon we'll scatter, each toward a separate vocation,
But fear not: regardless of your means or location
You'll soon get letters asking for an alumnus donation
To our dear school, Case Western Reserve!

Anyone who finds him or herself singing the above words at convocation will receive my utmost respect and adoration, if not necessarily a diploma. Either way, thanks for a great year everybody! It's been fun, it's been grand, and we'll see you next fall.

Garfield Minus Garfield

I came across a website today called Garfield Minus Garfield. Basically some insightful soul went through a bunch of old Garfield comics and deleted Garfield himself from all the scenes, thus leaving Jon as the only one to carry the show. As someone who is deeply saddened that Garfield went downhill in recent years (and I checked the older collections- it's not just me growing up, they were funnier), it was good to laugh at a few strips even if they were sort of missing the main guy in the show.

(By the way, I am vaguely aware that in recent years Jon and Liz are now dating and, yes, this means Jon actually has a girlfriend. What?)

(Second comic courtesy xkcd, of course.)

Happy Christmas

My sister has returned from Australia, and she has introduced me to the fun of Australian Christmas carols. The current favorite is the one above, telling the story about how Santa goes through Australia with six white kangaroos instead of reindeer (it's summer there, after all) and how they helped a joey find his mummy. How exactly a sleigh is pulled through the snowless Australian outback confuses me a little, but I suppose if the Aussies are ok with it than I'll just accept what they say.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Tales from the Vinyl Cafe

So here's something most people don't know about me: while most people guess I was born in Pittsburgh and gather I'm Hungarian after hearing me speak with my parents, most people do not know that I am half Canadian. Really! My dad grew up around Windsor, Ontario along the Detroit River, and went to graduate school at McGill University in Montreal, and most of my family on that side lives in the Toronto area. The one exception is my dad's brother and his family, though oddly enough my uncle never bothered to get his US citizenship until just last year.

My Canadian-ness doesn't show up very often since I've never lived there (though if you pay attention I do use some Canadian English, even the occasional "eh?"), but I've always liked the country and really wouldn't mind living there someday. There is one thing odd about me and Canada though: I am in complete love with several Canadian radio shows. This odd little fetish comes from high school when I used to listen to shortwave radio obsessively, and Saturday morning the best thing on the dial was Radio Canada International because they played "The Vinyl Cafe" and "Quirks and Quarks" between 10am and noon. The Vinyl Cafe was a variety show and Quirks and Quarks is the best science radio show you would ever listen, so I spent most Saturday mornings in high school waking up around 10 and listening to the radio before crawling out of bed. Arguably weird, but I'm still an arguably weird person so you reap what you sow.

My hands-down favorite out of all this, by the way, was getting up to hear Tales from The Vinyl Cafe, whose revolves around stories from the world's smallest record store with the motto "we might not be big but we're small." The music was pretty good and the host Stuart McLean was a riot, but what I hands-down loved most about it were the featured (fictional) stories about Dave, his wife Morley, and their two children Sam and Stephanie. These stories are incredibly funny and sort of like "A Prairie Home Companion," but I never really thought there was a comparison to be made, as The Vinyl Cafe was always way better. I can't tell you how many times during high school I spent those Saturday mornings laughing under the covers so I wouldn't wake up my sister next door, or how much I looked forward to that one story a week.

Anyway, the sad thing about this is that I moved to college and no longer wake up in time to hear The Vinyl Cafe, even assuming I could get the reception in my dorm room. I missed it terribly. But then recently I discovered something I'd been waiting for ages to hear: there is finally a Vinyl Cafe podcast! Hooray! So now I can revel in tales of class trips to Quebec City and Remembrance Day and all sorts of wonderful things people in the US never seem to fully appreciate. You should take a listen too, and subscribe to the podcast.

In case you just want a taste though, my favorite story, by far is the one posted last week called Dream Bunnies. It's a beautiful tale about a stuffed animal bunny Stephanie had that she took everywhere as a child, and her father trying to come to grips with the year she finally didn't take Bunny to college with her. The reason I love it so is because I had a stuffed animal bunny just like that as a kid (called "Honey Bunny" because she was yellow), and I cannot tell you how many times Stuart McLean was describing something straight out of my life during this particular story. I suppose that's why the best stories end up touching our hearts.

It's also worth noting, btw, that The Vinyl Cafe does broadcast in Cleveland now Sundays at 3pm on WCPN 90.3 FM if you want to hear the whole show. I always feel terrible about this though because I've yet to actually listen to it here because for whatever reason I always have something incredibly pressing to do Sunday afternoons and miss out...

Anyway, go listen to The Vinyl Cafe. You won't regret it, and it's always fun to take a moment and enjoy tales from the Great White North.

How to Advertise a Physics Talk

If I've learned one thing about undergraduate talks, it's that the advertising for them is slightly different than what you do for the proper seminars and colloquia. The undergraduate Physics and Astronomy Club is hosting a talk this week, and here's the flier we're distributing.


I mean, everyone wants to hear about physics, but your best bet is to emphasize the free food and avoid the "pop vs. soda" controversy if you want people to show. This form of advertising worked well last time, as we ran out of pizza and set a record in attendance (I think word filtered to the graduate students). Further, these talks always start at 5:30 as that way we can snag everybody just getting out of lab at 5:15- by comparison, the colloquia at Case start at 4:15 which is completely stupid because then none of the undergraduates can attend.

By the way, I sent out an email to our list earlier today too, which consisted of the basic information, a mention of Professor Kash's nickname per us students ("Momma Bear"), and a signature "love and snuggles, The Physics and Astronomy Club." There's nothing like a warm and fuzzy feeling when thinking about a semiconductor lecture!

Spotted in Cosmology Class

What a professor writes on the board when he realizes his joke somehow didn't work-

"I will not quit my day job." Good to know, because how would I possibly learn cosmology then? :-)

(For those who do not know, cosmology class is often a time of much merriment and laughter. Perhaps because it's right after lunch, and because after talking a lot about the absurdity known as the universe there's little left to do.)

Childhood Cartoons, Hungarian Style

Today on a lark I started typing in some of my old favorite cartoons on YouTube to see what would come up, and was nearly moved to tears by the results. Why? Because unlike most of you people reading this I spent a decent amount of my childhood watching Hungarian cartoons rather than the normal American ones, and I hadn't seen them in years. They were also generally cute and awesome in a way only animations of the communist era ever were (you think I kid), so there was a lot to miss.

Unfortunately, Hungarian cartoons have suffered greatly in the past decade, and on my last trip to the country all I could find on the TV were dubbed versions of SpongeBob and the like. It's such a pity, really, because those cartoons were decidedly unique and undoubtedly revealed more about the Hungarian psyche than any case study ever would.

So what are the cream of the crop as far as animation goes in a small Central European country? Here are the ones I most fondly remember-

Esti Mese- This translates literally into "Nightly Story," which was aired every day in the evening right before little kids were supposed to go to sleep. The program was 15 minutes long, and consisted of the TV Maci, or"TV Bear," (seen above) going through his bedtime routine before and after the brief cartoons. Back when there was only one Hungarian channel this was a rather big deal, as it wasn't like there were many other cartoons on, and he doomed several million children to being nagged by their parents because he never complained about going to bed or brushing his teeth! (TV Maci was decidedly cool, however, so we forgave him.)


Vuk was originally a beloved Hungarian novel about a little fox named Vuk, but became a movie in the early 1980s (starting here). This actually was such a popular movie that it got dubbed into English, so you guys might've seen it... anyway, it's completely adorable, and watching it is filled with moments of incredibly pleasing memory. It's also filled with great lines about how the evil "smooth-skins" (people) take advantage of everything, and how the dogs are trecherous sycophants to be hated, and how the foxes are members of the just, free society. But hey, what kind of Hungarian movie would it be without at least a few subtle ploys towards patriotism?

Kotorka actually originated in Czechloslovakia as a little mole known as Krtek. However, he's universally popular in Central and Eastern Europe even today, partly because the cute animals never actually used real words and instead just want around acting cute. The above clip probably makes that amply clear; there are loads more on YouTube if you search for him under "Krtek."

Mézga család- The best way to describe this one is that it's a combination of The Simpsons and Dexter's Laboratory: the dad bumbles, the mom manages, the sister tries to act sophisticated, and the brother is a genius. They would also regularly contact their relative in the 30th century, named MZ/X, who would give them technology that would wreck havoc in the family's daily affairs. This wonderful show aired during the 1970s, and while there aren't many clips of the cartoon proper I did find the intro, which has to be the best cartoon theme song sequence ever. The lyrics to the chorus-

Be silly sometimes, just a little,
Gray worries fly away, the sky is clearing,
(There is something alluring
If your belly is quivering!)
Pleasures are taking wing like a duck to the sky,
Be happy, be tough, act like a kid,
Toot your horn, play something loud,
Even in trouble don't lose your humor
Don't even listen to what the top guns say
I think that one's crazy, who says those things,
Who writes you off, who says you're the clown!

If you've a moment, watch this segment of the show as it's really cleverly done and you don't really need to understand Hungarian to see what's going on. It's rather Flatland-ish, and the general plotline is that Aladar (the brother) is watching from 3-D as a scientist in a 2-D world is being persecuted for discovering the vowels "a" and "o" when only "e" is known (a more detailed description, plus full text, is on the side). Clearly Hungarian kids had no choice when it came to the option of becoming geeky! Must be why Hungarians disproportionately become scientists later in life- while kids in other countries had cartoons focusing on violence and asinine behavior, ours were focused on the natural order and being persecuted for heresy in a two-dimensional plane. Just a thought.

Welcome to The Matrix

The New York Times is over 20% certain that we live in an artificial universe on par with something out of The Sims or World of Warcraft. How exactly they got this figure the article does not say, but I figure as long as our artificial universe has chocolate and doesn't catch a computer bug that messes things up I'm pretty happy. Let's just hope that we've got a geek in charge who has the smarts to update his simul-universe anti-virus software!

Really though, it reminds me of Arthur C. Clarke's flash fiction entry to Wired magazine a few years ago- "God said, 'Cancel Program GENESIS.' The universe ceased to exist." Makes sense to me.

Kiwi Humor

Oh come on, you didn't think I was going to stop talking about New Zealand just because I'm no longer there, did you?

If you're luckier than me and have HBO, you might have come across a show Sunday nights known as Flight of the Conchords, which follows a Kiwi band of the same name ("New Zealand's fourth most popular folk parody duo") trying to make the big time in New York City. They are, thus far, my primary way to curb accent withdrawal symptoms and laugh at a good bit of Kiwi humor along the way. The following (titled Jenny) is my favorite-

In case you are too lazy to search YouTube yourself but still want to do some procrastination, check out The Humans Are Dead or Frodo, Don't Wear The Ring. Cheers!

Exams Ate Me

Exam week is in full swing, and since my physics ones are imminent I haven't been posting here. At least the lolcats still love me...

I'll be back next week. Until then, if you need some way to fill your time go over to TV Links and find something cool to watch, ok? At least someone can have fun and enjoy themselves, even if it isn't me.

Saturday Morning Memories

If you grew up in either the late 80s or early 90s, you probably spent Saturday mornings at 9am watching Garfield and Friends. If you did not have the esteemed luck of doing so, you probably missed out on the best Saturday morning cartoon show of all time...

I've spent a frightfully long amount of time searching out old Garfield cartoons on YouTube (there was also the US Acres part of the show, but did anyone really like that part?), and the above is my favorite. If you have any poetic experience you will figure out very easily that it's a frightfully clever set of lyrics, to the point where I personally think I wouldn't mind a job as a cartoon lyricist. I'd even be willing to leave out the physics jokes...

Anyway, I posted the clip here in hopes that you guys would enjoy reliving your childhoods just a little bit, or see what you were missing out on. Plus if you ever thought our cartoons were cooler than the ones on today Garfield and Friends is your proof... check out the other ones online if you are not yet satisfied...

The Ghost of April Fool's Past- Athenian 2006

Krauss Calls for Vote of No Confidence In God

CLEVELAND, OH– Professor Lawrence Krauss, former figurehead of the Case Western Reserve University Physics Department, has called for a vote of no confidence in the Lord Almighty. “There needs to be a change in direction,” Krauss explained in a statement, “because I believe His lack of communication is inappropriate for a leader.” God has come under prevalent attacks for telling humanity to “have faith” in his actions instead of explaining his planned policies, and for not allowing input from His followers in His decisions. Furthermore, God has come under further fire in the past two millennia in particular for threatening nonbelievers with scare tactics such as eternal damnation.

The move has already been met by sharp criticism by some theologians. “Sure, God is a little on the secretive side, but He does some great things for those who follow Him,” said Eszti Medsource from Very Important University, citing eternal salvation and protection from harm as a few of the incentives. Several others were quick to point out God’s command to “go forth and multiply” as another prime leadership move as it encourages greater numbers in the ranks of the human populace.

Professor Krauss, however, remained unmoved. “Although I am sure God had good intentions in the beginning, His leadership has undeniably faltered in recent years and His choice of assistants has been questionable,” he explained from his office. “Also, many of the decisions throughout His time in power have been questionable at best, such as creating the month of February. And I won’t even begin to wonder what He was thinking when He decided English units would be a good idea…” Krauss was then interrupted by several thunderclaps, an earthquake, and a plague of locusts that began to rain down in his office. He could not be reached for further comment.

The vote, which will take place in the next few weeks, will require a majority of the populace to choose “no confidence” in order to pass. It is uncertain how many eligible voters will show up, however, because of questions regarding the legal aspects of the vote. “I’m pretty sure when we agreed to that Covenant thing we wrote ourselves into a corner,” explained Ms. Faith B. Leaver, citing a written document promising exclusive worship of God in exchange for protection. “By promising the Lord that we would exclusively worship him in exchange for protection, we essentially blackmailed ourselves into a position where participation in such a vote would be very conflicted.”

Further disapproval was heard from the Misdiscovery Institute, a conservative think-tank that promotes Intelligent Falling (the belief that the Theory of Gravity is flawed and instead things are pushed downward by an intelligent force). “Frankly, I’m wondering about that Star Trek guy’s credibility in proposing this,” one spokesman told us. “He has shown the Institute time and time again that he cannot come to grips with how gravity is a theory in crisis because physicists cannot explain how it works. And would you trust the motives of a man who is so closed-minded and unfair that he does not want students to make an informed decision?”

Despite several pilgrimages to Mount Sinai for a statement, the Lord could not be reached for comment. Confidential sources say He is not too worried about the outcome, however, because of its non-binding nature even if the measure comes to pass. Only the Board of Deities presiding over the multiverse would have the ability to rescind Him of His position.