E&M Haiku

Written on my final today-

Maxwell's Equations
Brighten the universe, but
Are there monopoles?

(Don't worry, I wrote other things too, they're just not as exciting to share!)

Booked!

My favoritest YouTube video ever-

Shared because I finally purchased the first legs for my round the world trip today, set to begin on January 20 with a flight to Tokyo (and continue for six months through Southeast Asia, Europe, and Southern Africa). Psych!

More on this once my brain fully wraps around the implications of what I just did, but until then I will leave you with the translation of the song in the video above, which was sung in Bengali-

Stream of Life
by Rabindranath Tagore

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.

The LHC Poetry Slam

Sorry everyone, been busy with the start of the semester... lots of random things popping up, such as the LHC party I was invited to last night (aka Large Hadron Collider, aka the big particle smasher that was tested today in Europe). Also known as "Geekfest 2008," I was invited by a bunch of physics grad students to stay up until 4am to celebrate the turning-on of the largest experiment ever conducted by humankind. As the next generation particle accelerator won't be seen for several decades, of course I had to accept.

Anyway, somewhere during the course of the night the LHC Rap was shown to those who had not seen it for some reason yet, and I expressed my sentiment that I really don't like it. A guy challenged me on my reasons, and beyond explaining the cheesy nature I broke down and said "not trying to sound pretentious, but I think I could write something better." Clearly I wasn't going to be allowed to get away with such a statement and was handed a pencil and paper and told to get to work.

So what follows was my result after a half hour or so of work- what does everyone think? Considering it was 2am and I was nursing a beer while writing, I hope I will be forgiven for the lack of proper pantameter-

The LHC Ode
by Yvette Cendes

It was mid-September and the leaves were flying
The grass turning brown and the wind a-crying
The physicists were gathering late at night
To witness what could only be an incredible sight-
It was the LHC! In the entire world
It would throw particles faster than they'd ever been hurled
The truth behind theories earlier fabled
Would finally be pinned down and properly nailed,
It would find the Higgs, and possibly see
An answer to baryonic asymmetry!
Oh how marvelous! Oh how grand!
All the things we would finally understand!

So the physicists chatted while they lay in wait
Not knowing they'd taken the universe's bait,
For when the switch went "on," that exciting goal,
They accidentally created... a black hole.
Yes, that's right, the nuts had held the truth
(Even if they'd seemed silly and rather uncouth)
And the black hole was there, it grew and grew
As black holes accreting mass are known to do,
It ate all in its path, and before the dawn
The planet called Earth was forever gone.

Now people will say it's an unlikely case-
On par with creating an elephant in space-
But if there are infinite universes, as some like to say,
Eventually it would happen and we'd all die away
So it's unlikely, it's true, but just for some fun,
Ask yourself this- what if THIS is the one?

Dear Professor

Yesterday was the awards ceremony and dinner for the senior undergraduate physics majors, and while I'm not graduating until December I went as this is my class and all that. As part of the ceremonies all us students had to read a cute poem from the compilation Dear Professor, Do You Live in a Vacuum? by Nin Andrews, which are assembled from emails students wrote to a physics professor. They were all great, but I saw one I immediately knew I needed to read-

Dear Professor,
I heard the Brian Greene talk
on string theory. He even showed pictures
of these stringy things.
Like vibes. That explains everything.
And I had really good vibes about Brian Greene.
Do you know if he's single?

Another one I quite related with in the book, while we're at it:

When I was in your office
and you showed me the problem
about the weight lifter and the dumbbells,
I kept smiling and saying yes,
but I didn't really understand a word you were saying.
I tried, but it's like you were speaking
a different language.
I think new professors do that.
They get lost in translation.
So I thought maybe I should tell you
that when a student smiles and nods and says yes
a lot,
what she really means is she has no idea
what you're talking about.

It should also be noted, here at the bottom so I can be discreet, that there were politics afoot recently in that it turned out several professors wanted to nominate me for one of the departmental awards, but the university refused on the grounds that I'm not yet graduating. They decided this would be "no fun," so the powers that be created a one-time-only award for me, for my "exemplary services to the department of physics."

I was so overwhelmed by this gesture of kindness that I nearly cried. This department will be hard to leave.

The Night Before Finals

This week's "Quarked" marked the first occasion where my editor actually cursed at me. Luckily her "good Lord, Yvette!" was followed by a "thanks for making my day," so I guess I still get to write my column next semester.

The reason for the curse was because I decided to get into the holiday spirit a bit and write a poem commemorating the most important event in December- final exams! And because I am proud of the result and suspect I won't be writing anything new here for awhile, here is the unabridged version of a poem I've titled "The Night Before Finals." [Note for those not from Case: "SIs" are "Student Instructors," aka undergraduate TAs.] Enjoy!

The Night Before Finals
By Yvette Cendes

T’was the night before finals
And all through the dorm
Crazed cramming and panic
Was quite the norm.

The students were restless
And none touched their beds
While theorems and formulas
Danced in their heads.

With textbook in hand
And a bright pink highlighter
I had settled down
For another all-nighter.

Then outside my room
There arose a great clatter,
I raced to the door
To see what was the matter.

And who do you think
Appeared before my eyes
But a wizened old Prof
And a bunch of SIs!

From his terrible wardrobe
And long, unkept beard
I knew right away
This was gonna be weird.

“I’m the Prof of Tests Future!”
He said with a shout,
“I’m the one who writes finals
You’re so scared about!

“On English! On Physics!
On Psychology!
On O-Chem! On German!
On Astronomy!

“I choose from the topics
You’ve learned of all fall,
And mark away, mark away,
Mark away, mark away all!”

I stared at the Prof
With incomprehension
And thought a few things
Which here I won’t mention.

“You’re from the wrong story!”
I said with a wail,
“Isn’t this from Dickens’
A Christmas Tale?

“Besides which, dear sir,
Though try as I might,
I don’t know why you’re here
So late, late at night.”

Said he, “I showed up
To give some advice.
Listen closely now
So I don’t give it twice:

“Though you might want to fret
And get all stressed out
That’s not what exams
Should be all about.

“So don’t be a wreck!
Don’t get over-stressed!
Study hard as always
And just do your best!”

I looked at the Prof
And then looked at my text,
If I slept a few hours
I’d be much less perplexed…

Plus I’ve advice of my own
That I have to admit:
When you start to see visions
Then it’s time to quit.

So I waved to the Prof
And then closed the door
I ducked under covers
And started to snore.

And I heard someone say
As I started my rest:
“Happy finals to all,
And to all a good test!”

Scientific Nursery Rhymes

For reasons that I won't go into, I was thinking a bit about Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star recently. It's a rather misunderstood piece of work actually- contrary to popular belief, Mozart did not actually write it, it was just a popular French ditty he wrote variations on, and there are also several stanzas after the well-known first one.

So Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star is probably the most popular scientific-oriented song/poem out there, but you know what irks me a little about it? The chorus line of "how I wonder what you are." I know I'm being a stickler about this, but we now know what stars are thanks to one of the most astounding bits of scientific discovery in the 20th century. We should modernize accordingly. And in case you don't know what I mean, here's my modest example in case I was in charge of this; feel free to sing out loud-

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (Revised for Modern Audiences)
by Yvette Cendes

Twinkle, twinkle, little star
I don't wonder what you are!
Through spectroscopy it has been
Derived you're made of hydrogen
And you shine brighter than day,
It's just you are quite far away.

Twinkle, twinkle, shining bright
Shimmering throughout the night
This is caused by, I'm aware,
Your light bending through the air
So you glitter when I see
Your photons coming to me.

Twinkle, twinkle, ball of fire
Shine for all who you inspire,
Though your secrets have been told
Your beauty never grows old,
And I'm awed by what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

I feel like there are probably a few other explanations of stellar properties I missed, but it will have to do for now. And yes, I'm kind of worried about what I will be teaching my children someday too...

William Blake At the Auckland Zoo

Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies

Burnt the fire of thine eyes?

On what wings dare he aspire?

What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder and what art

Could twist the sinews of thy heart?

And, when thy heart began to beat,

What dread hand and what dread feet?

What the hammer? What the chain?

In what furnace was thy brain?

What the anvil? What dread grasp

Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,

And water'd heaven with their tears,

Did He smile His work to see?

Did He who made the lamb make thee?

Tiger, tiger, burning bright

In the forests of the night,

What immortal hand or eye

Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

-William Blake, "The Tiger"

For Mother's Day

Füstbe ment terv
Petõfi Sándor verse

Egész uton - hazafelé -
Azon gondolkodám:
Miként fogom szólítani
Rég nem látott anyám?

Mit mondok majd elôször is
Kedvest, szépet neki?
Midôn, mely bölcsôm ringatá,
A kart terjeszti ki.

S jutott eszembe számtalan
Szebbnél-szebb gondolat,
Mig állni látszék az idô,
Bár a szekér szaladt.

S a kis szobába toppanék...
Röpûlt felém anyám...
S én csüggtem ajkán... szótlanúl...
Mint a gyümölcs a fán.

A Smoke-Turned Plan
By Petõfi Sándor
translated by Yvette Cendes

The entire journey- homeward-
It is this I wonder:
What is it I should say first
To my long not seen mother?

Just what should I say first to her-
Something kind, or pretty?
To that one who rocked my cradle
And held out her hand for me?

I then recalled a thousand memories
Of the kind things she's done,
And time seemed to stand in one place,
Though the small cart did run.

And in the little room I land…
My mother ran toward me…
And I clung to her… wordless…
Like fruit upon a tree.

In just a few short days, my mother, father, and brother are going to arrive in New Zealand to visit. I can't wait. I have missed everyone a great deal (and you too, Linda, even if you don't get to come). And while I might not be going home just yet, I am certain in a few days this poem will become a reality.

Boldog anyak napot! Sok szeretettel, Yvette

Exam Humor

You know the jokes are good when they get forwarded all the way to New Zealand. This one was making the rounds in Phi Rho back at Case, and eventually made its way to me (thanks Pat!). In honor of the recent, current, and imminent midterm exams of students in the Northern Hemisphere, I'm putting my favorites here for you all to giggle over (click for a larger image).




I personally like these more from a grader's perspective than anything- since virtually every science major gets recruited to grade papers at some point, and it doesn't take long for you to be easily amused by anything out of the ordinary. I have a friend who graded the intro astronomy class' homework for two years, for example, and kept a list of the venerable jewels students would hand in to him in the form of answers.

Of course, everyone knows that my own personal style during a despairing exam situation is to compose poems instead. Here's one that I wrote on my AP Calc final, which I am told was greatly appreciated by the graders that year-

One day Mr. Newton
Took a file from his drawer
Showing he'd invented calculus
Twenty years before!

Everyone got interested,
Took the integral of one,
And worked backwards with derivatives
Until they were left with none.

Then a few centuries later
A kid took the Calc AB
And thanks to Mr. Newton
Got a 5 quite easily.

On Gravity

This has nothing to do with New Zealand, but... Did you see the cover story of this month's Discover? (They've stopped putting what the actual month is anywhere in the magazine so I can't tell you that, but it's got a gravity map of Earth on the cover.) The article talks about GRACE, a space mission launched in 2002 to measure the fluctuations of Earth's gravity field. They do this by investigating the minute changes of gravity over a few days, which allows you to see which regions have the greatest mass due to recent rainfall, high-density rock, or even a melting ice cap.

Of course, me being me I found this entire thing wonderfully clever. Think about it: you are using basically a souped-up version of freshman kinematics to see how the most minute changes of gravity effect your satellite flying through space, and you can do it so precisely that you can pinpoint the cause of it hundreds of miles away. Scientists even a few decades ago would have thought the entire idea was just crazed science fiction.

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you all this is because the idea of gravity fluctuating made me ponder a bit, and poetry ensued. Obviously gravity doesn't fluctuate so much that we'd normally notice, but wouldn't it be an interesting world to live in if it did?

On Gravity
by Yvette Cendes

If gravity fluctuated
As much as the weather
It would come and go
In fronts and depressions,
Pressing down like a storm
Or breathing very softly
Like the clearest winter night.

There would be days
When we would lie, helpless,
Pinned to the ground
By the rain of mass,
We wouldn't move an inch
And try very hard to breathe
Beneath the pounding weight.

But these mass-laden days
Would be not all bad,
We would always remember
The end of the storms
When we could rise up
Over mountains and cities
And fly with the birds.